apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
