if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
