Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
