A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
