lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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