I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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