i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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