have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
