whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
