I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
