Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
