I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
