I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
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