best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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