i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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