There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
