Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
