i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
