who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize