just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
