its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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