just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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