how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I think i got beer on your cat.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
