nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
