Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just found puke in my bra..
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
