Are we in a gay sports bar?
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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