I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize