you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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