Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
