hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
