Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
