Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
