I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
