Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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