So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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