duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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