dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
