imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize