Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
