I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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