Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
