How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
