I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
