you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
