Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
