I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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