I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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