thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
