the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
