You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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