I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
