We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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