Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
