See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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