first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
