I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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