Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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