woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
