I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
