so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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