ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize