Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
