i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
