Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize