you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ugly people sure do ruin things
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
