so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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