you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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