We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
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