Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
