i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
