How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
