I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
